Lingua Mea Vita

Naming Your Children 101
May 4, 2011, 8:49 pm
Filed under: Misc | Tags: , , ,

I am so glad I didn’t put money on this.

Last month, my sister and I talked about placing bets on what shabadoo names Mariah Carey would bestow upon her twins. Neither of us are hardcore Mimi fans, but we do enjoy her occasional  absolute batshit public displays of crazy bouts of quirkiness.

We were absolutely sure that her children would have names like:


Or any other names of her songs and/or albums.

But it turns out Mariah named her little boy and girl Moroccan and Monroe respectively, (which is still pretty weird, especially considering Moroccan [her child] is named after the decor of a room?) but not as nearly bad as Little Bunny and Foo-Foo. The jury is still out on Moroccan for me (I can’t get the image of minarets and bazaars out of my head—why not give the kid a name commonly used in Morocco?), but the name Monroe is growing on me for the girl twin.

This makes me think of this great VlogBros video about naming your children. I think all pregnant women should watch this at least once (this and Pregnant Women Are Smug):

Hank Green’s Rules For Naming Your Children:

1. Say your baby name out loud
Hank gives the example of Andrew Peacock and (Droopycock), but I can give an example! I’ve met a Michael Dixon-Cox.
2. Name your child what you will call your child
He gives himself as an example. He’s always been called Hank. His name is William.
3. Test your baby name with native language speakers
Poor Harry Dong
4. Don’t try to be cute
Olive Green, Hiho Silva. I know of twins named Stormy and Rainy McCloud.
5. Check the most popular baby names and avoid them
Jacob, Isabella, Aiden, Jaden, Kaden, Hayden.
6. Spell your kid’s name like a normal person
Mykul, Kayt, Jaucshuwa. Also, Roazze (pronounced Rose).
7. Name your child a name
No word names. Hank gives the example of Satchel and Pilot. I’ve met a baby named Gnarls (named after Gnarls Barkley. I guess the mother didn’t understand the band name was a pun).