Lingua Mea Vita

Of Snooki and Stephen

It’s a great day for ghostwriters, you guys!

Snooki's A Shore Thing is a New York Times Bestseller

Stephen King and Snooki (Nicole Polizzi, Jersey Shore) have something in common aside from having awkwardly thin lips! On January 30, Agent Orange Snooki will join the ranks of King, Steig Larsson, John Grisham, and Jodi Picoult when her book, A Shore Thing, debuts on the New York Times Bestseller’s List.

I hope that Stephen King hears this wonderful news, retreats to his cabin in Maine, and writes a short story about reality television stars deliberately spreading a virus to American public that eventually turns them into vampires and in the end we’re all destroyed by China because they don’t have the Jersey Shore. Well…aside from the ending, it’s already like ‘Salem’s Lot, huh?

What’s so unfortunate about this is that I was flipping channels and saw Snooki being interviewed on a talk show. A horrifying exchange occurred:

Interviewer: How did you write this book? I heard that you’ve only read like two books in your life!”
Snooki: Just because I haven’t read any books doesn’t mean I can’t write one!

Oh, Honey.

Did you think Ellen DeGeneres was reading selections from your book because she thought it was a new American classic? Do you not realize that America is making fun of you right now?

Hm, or maybe not? They are actually buying your book.

And that’s the saddest part—America is buying into this dribble. Ellen wouldn’t read a section from a book that she thought was really well written on her show. The only person who did anything close to that is Oprah (and she did it full-force, guns blazing, thank goodness).

I used to be in the camp where if I thought Americans were at least reading books, I didn’t care what the book was. This is how I excused the Twilight phenomenon in my head. But I feel like this has gone too far: Snooki’s book being on the NYT Bestsellers List (despite it only being #24) is reinforcing her influence in America.

She is just a drunken pumpkin butterball that has an ugly name that is fun to say. Ugh, it sounds like I just described a beer.

I wish for the days where the only thing Stephen King and Snooki had in common were the letter “S”.

Super Sad True Love Story, anyone?


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